Tag Archives: After Dark

Miss After Dark: Nothing to Fear…

MM-MAD111115If you were trapped in a box and someone offered you the key, would you leave? The obvious answer is yes, right? But what if you were stuck at a job you hated, where your talents were wasting away but it put money on the table?  Would you leave? Probably not. Maybe just wait it out a bit longer, right? Do you know how many people have been trapped by their own complacency? Greatness requires movement. It can’t breathe without it.

My parent’s backyard is riddled with geckos. We have to open the door carefully just o they don’t fall in our hair. A few weeks ago, one of the poor bastards got stuck in the screen door. For two days I pleaded with this lizard to just move down and get out the way it came in. Of course the gecko didn’t understand what I was doing or why, it was just terrified. Too terrified to move, too terrified to find a way out. While I’m thinking this, beating the glass with my hand to help her, I get that eerie feeling of a life lesson crashing itself into an otherwise lovely day…

I’m just the same as this gecko. Uggggggh. 

I moved to my parents’ last December, convinced it would be a boon to my mind, my finances, and my career. It has not. I’m not ungrateful but I’ve allowed myself, just like that gangly insurance sales-reptile,  to get stuck and to STAY stuck. I have no one else to blame for that but myself.

I wrote an article for For Harriet and did nothing when it got 5,000+ likes on Facebook. I didn’t leverage it at all. I wrote, starred, and had friends shoot an awesome web series in January and did nothing with it. I can write my ass off  and yet this blog goes severely underpopulated for about 18 months. I can list example after example from this year alone but I don’t want to further depress myself.

I could blame laziness, lack of motivation, hell, even depression and anxiety but I know myself too well to take that route. After awhile even those don’t work as valid excuses anymore. I could call this a quarter life crisis but it’s not. When you have greatness in you, boiling just below the surface, and yet you do nothing to harness it, you die a little. When you’re a creative person who ceases to create, you die a little. When you are a writer who stops writing, you die each time a story is not let out of your brain.

I get and stay in my way because I am afraid. Being miserable and letting my potential and past achievements remain just that, has gotten comfortable. When fear reigns supreme in your life, no amount of of good possibilities will eclipse it. It’s not enough that I have an embarrassing amount of people who recognize something in me and call me out on it. You can have all the cheerleaders in the world but if you don’t get your ass on the court and PLAY, it means nothing. I’ve had people banging on the glass of my figurative screen door for years. I’ve had friends, mentors, and professionals tell me they don’t understand how I’m not where I need to be. I’ve done a lot of talking but not a lot of doing.

I lost my grandmother, nearly lost my dad, and my mind this year. I don’t want to die with potential. I don’t want to die with my greatness inside of me and not out in the world helping people. I don’t want to be remembered for nothing. I’m tired of being my own enemy.

It’s time to get off my ass, out of my feelings, to do the work I know I’m worthy of. 

So what’s holding you back? What’s something that you want to break free from? Sound off in the comments. Together I know we can make our dreams become our lives.

As always, do better, feel better, and be better!