We’re 18 days in to 2015 y’all! Did that make you smile or want to throw up? Should I even ask how those resolutions are going? Are you killing it or are they killing you? Luckily, resolutions can be made everyday. You always have the option to begin again. Don’t stress out if they’re not going the way you dreamed but you might want to evaluate why you’re having such a hard time making a change. Here are 7 reasons that might help you figure out why.
- Misery is Familiar: Recently, in a discussion with friends, I told them about my paralyzing fear of success. I shared it in my Resolution of Fear post. The higher you go, the harder you could fall. Don’t let that fear hold you back! Just because you’ve gotten comfortable being miserable doesn’t mean you should remain that way.
- You Don’t Believe You Can: You have no clue what you can accomplish and you’ll have no clue if you refuse to empower yourself. I climbed the Great Wall of China at 10. TEN. I was a chubby little kid who refused to wear a training bra and thought windbreakers were fly as fuck but I wheezed myself to sweet victory and cherish that memory everyday of my life. Sure, I had the blissful ignorance of childhood inhibition to never make me once question my limits but maybe that’s something we all need to adopt back into our lives. If you permit them, negative thoughts will create negative actions.
- Staying the Same is Easier: I would talk so much about how I wanted to change. I needed it. I was the tragic damsel oppressed by the powers that be and my only salvation was the dewy nectar of change. I’m a
bit of acomplete drama queen but I made myself a victim of life instead of a victor. By being reactive instead of proactive I didn’t have to take responsibility for my life. I was consumed by the thought of change but I wasn’t convicted by it. Mainly because I’m a punk but I’m also because boooooo! Work. Blech. The mental resistance grew each time I decided against standing up to my own mediocrity and bowing down to it instead. But once I made a plan, I realized the resistance was much smaller than I imagined.
- Other People: Anyone who says they don’t care about what other people think is a damned dirty liar. Except Prince. But he’s a celestial being made of 85% ether, 5% alchemy, and 10% Unicorn magic. The rest of us mere mortals care a lot. Actually, way too damn much. We let the opinions of people who don’t matter cloud our view of ourselves. Give a little credence to what people think but limit it to the people who truly know and love you. Even then, don’t let those occlude your own. It’s your life for a reason.
- Other People: When you make a change it requires the people in your circle to evaluate their own life. Not everyone is going to like what they see and they’ll likely take it out on you. I once had a conversation with an ex-boyfriend about becoming my next level-self and how that evolution naturally carries over into a relationship. “So if you become your next level-self does that mean I need to become my next level-self too?” The answer was yes but the reality was no. No one has to change the second you do but we’re all works in progress. When we stop trying to become our best selves we get stagnant. Cesspools are stagnant. Cesspools ain’t cute. Don’t be a cesspool.
- You’re Afraid: Want to know a secret? The most successful people in the world were and are probably still afraid or insecure about something. Estelle Getty had crippling stage fright but she still managed to cement herself as a comedic legend playing Sophia Petrillo on the Golden Girls. Adele upchucked on stage because she was petrified but she still made musical history before the age of 30. They were able to overcome those annoying ass little voices who told them they couldn’t because their desire to succeed was bigger than their fear. If you want it, go for it. Sure you’ll goof up along the way but you’ll never have to wonder, “What if?”
- You’re Trying for the Wrong Reasons: The great Denzel Washington said, ” Don’t confuse movement with progress.” Damn you Denzel! We’re such a busy culture. We’re always doing something but a lot of the times it can seem like we’re just running in circles instead of moving towards something. Don’t change to impress anyone. Don’t do it because everyone else is. PLEASE don’t do it because someone is holding an ultimatum over your head. Do it because you recognize it’s time. Do it for you, that’s the only way it’ll stick.
Change is never easy and often when we fantasize about making one we’re thinking of the products instead of the process. We want the rewards but none of the responsibility because the grass seems so much greener from where we’re standing. We forget that we still have to climb up the hill to get it.
If you’re ready for a renewal, a dedication, a recommitment, or any kind of change in your life, roll up your sleeves. Emotional work is murky and at times unbearable but it requires as much attention as it does patience. Be gentle with yourself. Take a breath. Are you ready?!
…and because I love you, here are some tips to help you when you’re ready to get started!
- Prepare: Before you can create, you have to destroy. I don’t mean engage in self-destructive habits. I mean out with the old and in with the new. Ready for a bit of Twisdom? You can’t commit to progress if you’re obsessed with perfection. You can’t start a business if you don’t believe in yourself first. Whether it’s a pebble or a boulder, whatever’s been obstructing your path needs to get moved out of the way so you can move forward.
- Immerse: Want to go to grad school? Research. Arm yourself with as much information as possible to not only convince yourself of this change but also to remain realistic about the consequences (both good and bad).
- Honor: Treat your dreams like a life and nurture them. Feed your vision with a daily re-commitment. Communicate and plan the goals necessary to fulfilling it.
Tell me how you’re doing and as always, feel better, do better, and be better!